So it took an extra year and a half but I started selling goats. Now, keep in mind that I did absolutely nothing to try to sell the goats in that year and a half (still sold a couple somehow). Anyway, now that I am actually trying to make a decent living off our goats and farm products, I have realized it is going to be incredibly easy. So then, of course, my mind starts thinking about selling the best goats and creating the best genetics, etc. so we can sell each goat for more and make more money and more money and more….
It really reminds me of the first couple months of my first daughter’s life. I remember wanting her to smile and wanting her to walk and wanting her to talk and there was this sort of edge to other parents that I decided to take within myself. Will mine be the first? Will they be the best? Will we SUCCEED?
OK, I was completely psycho and I like to think it was the hormones. After a couple months of watching this happen in my mind and becoming more and more disgusted with the way I was looking at the world, I decided to become a normal decent human again (thank goodness – maybe it was just the hormones).
Now my mantra is just… learn to be happy, learn to be confident, follow your dreams – even if you want to just live on the streets (don’t laugh, had a friend who gave up everything (he had A LOT) to live on the streets in San Francisco). He did this for a year, found himself, and decided to make a change in the world. Found his dreams, found his happiness, and learned confidence. I don’t want to make light of living on the streets – there is a MAJOR difference between deciding to live on the streets and being forced to live on the streets by your circumstances.
OK, so back to the goats…
I have been watching the same ridiculous pattern creep up in my brain – I must SUCCEED. It has been a week now and I have watched my brain change from this decent human to this other thing that thinks about more land, more goats, more animals, more money. Last night I realized why I was getting disgusted with myself again. I was literally going from feeling good and successful to completely horrid and depressed within a couple of minutes.
I DON’T want more. As a matter of fact, all year I have been pushing to see how little I can live with (still, admittedly, I have a lot) to make sure quitting my job won’t influence our everyday life. I can easily live with less and it really is liberating – less junk to take care of, less traveling to the store, less money spent. I plan on reducing our consumption more and more until we are closer to zero (haven’t worked out gasoline yet, though).
So if I know I can live with less, then why should I try to sell each goat for more money? It feels like I materialism at it’s extreme. Here I have awesome animals perfect for sustainable survival, yet if I sold them for more money I would be excluding a large number of people that would use these animals for the most decent purpose (not just to make money and show that they are the best so they can sell them for more), but people that would raise the animals with love and respect to survive on their wonderful milk, cheese, etc.
I will break even and hopefully make enough money to buy the food I can’t grow (I am not ready to live without chocolate or tea – especially chocolate), the heat I need in the winter, and the clothes on my back (almost always from thrift stores). However, I will NOT
- Sell $800 animals that may or may not have the same outstanding genetics of their parents (meiosis is a chaotic and random event). It could even have worse genetics than both parents because of the level of inbreeding. In this throw-away society, I think we forget that we should always get the most for our money. Animals should be bred to have the best genetics, the best conformation, and the best production no matter what. So why do we charge more money for this? Materialism is a sick state of mind!!!
- Create a “brand” name that people will pay more for, just because of the name. The fact that this level of branding has shown up in the agricultural community really makes me wonder about the “intelligence” of humans. Food is food is food is food and as long as it is raised in a sustainable way and shows respect to the creatures that we rely on for survival, then all is well. I am willing to pay more money for fair trade, organic tea raised in sustainable ways, but I am NOT willing to pay more money for the tea just because it has a specific name associated with it. It reminds me of the way people shell out money for clothing or cars.
- Sell goats that are not dairy level goats for lots of money just so I can make up my costs. Someone did this to me once – when we first got into goats – and I have learned my lesson. If I find that my goats are not dairy-level, I will be completely up front and sell them as pet quality. Why should I pass my mistake on to others, it is dishonest and will only hurt everyone in the end. I would rather take the loss so that I can live with myself and others will know that I am trustworthy.
-Carol
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